Week 1 in review

"I hate my injured fantasy team and I hate all of you..."

Oh, how wonderful.  Fantasy season has begun.  Week one is always exciting for the surprising blow-ups from "has beens" (Forte with 31!  Ochocinco with 23!), the relative newcomers with huge days (Hakeem Nicks with 25), and the "sure things" who crap all over the field (Andre Johnson with 3).
So, I know this fractional scoring thing is awesome, but I'm probably going to round up/down in these writeups occasionally because I can't remember decimals when I switch back and forth between the blog and the box scores...and I'm lazy.
(special thanks to dois who fed me the stats when I couldn't get on the site at work)

Wolverine's Fat Brother 78.7   Manning and Me 63
Oh, how sweet it is.  On Sunday, Beb, whiteford, and Trey came over to watch the early games.  For almost
the entire time I was watching with beb, his team was spanking me.  But then the Arizona Defense happened (my high scorer with 18) and beb's three rb's combined for 11.5 pts.  Yikes.  Really, we both sucked, but I'll take the moral and literal victory over my hated rival (and lowest scorer of the week).



Terrible Terry Tate 95.7      Team $83Deangelo (with no team name, I have to make one up) 72.4
Hey!  The newcomer gets a win!  Dekker welcomed xadam in to the league by rolling over and taking it in the rectum (I plan on making you do the same next week, dekker).  Remember the highly touted (by me) trade Dekker made with Blickley earlier in the week?  Apparently, it didn't make him better.  Jermichael with 4.7 and Wallace with 6.2...woof; should have kept deangelo (whoops, he sucked too).  I forgive Stafford's 1.2 because he got hurt, but then I realize you drafted a Det QB...which is fucking retarded.  Aaron Rodgers was merely human (12.3), but he'll probably score 60 this week against Buffalo.  You still have hope.  Xadam, congrats on the win.  Cutler (22) and Menhenhall (20.5) had very nice weeks.  However, the best thing about your week was you talking uber fantasy shit on the warfish message board. Well played, sir.

Dr Teeth n the electric mayhem 96    Pura Vida 76.5
Well, it turns out the big trade didn't make Blick better either.  Half of Blick's expensive backfield was amazing (thank you Chris Johnson with 28).  His new half, Deangelo83, was fucking awful (only 6.2).  Garrard had a good showing with 19.8, but I have to question your "I'll use a crappy backup rb as my OP" strategy (Donald Brown with 0.7).  Conclusion?  Sovic thoroughly trounced you...and maybe you should try to attend a draft on occasion (or...at least read the emails about when we're planning the draft and provide input).  Sovic's team was led  by Ochocinco (22.9) and Rivers (20.3), and I couldn't be more surprised about Ocho.  I did NOT see that coming.  I figured he and T.O. would spend most of their weeks planning intricate td celebrations that they'd never be able to use (random note: who knew Carson Palmer would be relevant in fantasy again?).  Sovic, you play Bardey next week; that should be a great matchup.

Hung Like Blagoyevich's Jury 103.1   Steuberleague 84.9
I really like both of these team names.  Larson's makes me laugh, and steuber's is so dumbly simplistic that I can't believe I never thought of it before.  Both of these old men had good days this week, but Eurofag (or was it U R A Fag?) Larson came away with a W.   Larson, it was great to see you last week; I'm glad we could eat Mexican together in a dark, cozy booth.  And the cigarettes you bummed me were glorious.  But what a week from hakeem Nicks (25.5)!  Javed Best also had a very good day (15.5), even though his total is a bit deceiving. He did score 2 td's, but his yardage total per rush was absolutely atrocious.  I think he falls down a bit next week.  Steuber, your WR's combined for 8.9 pts, and all-american Brees only chipped in 12.8.  That's why you lost, but I think you get a win next against Whiteford's all-injured team.

London's Lackey's 137.3     The Warfishes The Warfishes  86.5
Holy shit; that's a lot of points.  Bardey, obviously, was the high scorer in Uber this week, but Trey wasn't too shabby either (5th highest scorer).  Dois was led by Arian Foster with 43.8.  Will he be as good next week?  Or was the Colts D just that bad?  Brady (22.2), Miles (21.6), and gates (13.6) also contributed.  As I said before, Trey had a pretty good week, but if he had thought ahead and actually had a replacement for Beanie (not playing) before Sunday morning, he might have been able to break 100.  However, with Bardey exploding for almost 140, it wouldn't have mattered.  Trey's team was solely led by Peyton (31.5).  He got 6.5 from Jacobs at OP, but probably should have played Derek Anderson instead (14.7 on his bench).

Hoosgow 104.8   Nude Tayne 63.2
I always assume Joe's team will be awful every year because he obviously does very little research, and usually doesn't know how to use the draft software.  But he's consistently proven me wrong; apparently, he's some kind of fantasy idiot savant.  Oh Hoosgow...the 2nd highest scorer this week.  However, he didn't have any superstars this week.  Hoosgow's balanced attack was led by Jamal Charles (16), Roddy (12.1), lesean (14.2), and double tight ends (clark 14, visanthe 13.6).  Whiteford, on the other hand, was decimated by injuries this week (which I blame on his championship hangover from last year).  Kolb had .9 and a concussion;  Grant had 4.5 and lost season.  It also didn't help that Andre Johnson sucked balls.  At least you have Brandon Jackson to look forward to (he's awful).

And that's the week in review.  Bardey was the best (137.3), and Beb was the worst (63).  Well, whiteford was pretty bad too (63.2).
Good luck in week 2, bitches.

-commish