Week 9 recaps

Well, the big day is here.  Beb Bernier is getting married...finally.  He waited quite a while to pop the question (which I'm sure we'll hear quite a bit about in Jenni's family's toasts).  It's understandable: Jenni is incredibly hot, incredibly smart (phd in bio engineering or some shit), and has an incredible personality (she used to MC rollerderby...awesome).  We kept telling him to lock that down before she wised up.  Eventually, he did, so these writeups are dedicated to Saturday night, when both of them have sex for the first time (in the ass).
Recaps after the jump...

Week 8 recaps

This past weekend was the inaugural Shoaf Halloween party.  Good times.  Beb came as Unfozen Caveman Lawyer, which I thought was amazing (even though he went around the party telling people how dumb his costume was and he should have tried harder).  This doesn't really have anything to do with the writeups...just wanted to honor beb on the 10 day countdown to his wedding.  Other Halloween pics can be found here:
Halloween 2010


More importantly, HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!  Blick has won a game.  This actually surprised me more than the Vikings waiving Mr. Randy less than a month after giving up a 3rd round pick for him.  I'm sure you've all heard the story by now, but god, Randy Moss is a fucking horrible human.  For those of you that missed the intricacies of the story, you can find them here.   Also, in nba news, Kevin Garnett apparently called Charlie Villanueva a "cancer patient" during a game the other day (CV suffers from alopecia...and doesn't have any hair).  Some athletes are just awful and insensitive to how real humans behave.  However, I still reserve the right to name my nba team the Browless Wonders after CV...I'm honoring him.    
After the jump, you'll find the owner submissions for recaps.  All recaps are written by the week 8 winners.  I'll let them speak for themselves, but I'd love to hear your opinion on it in the recaps.  

Week 7 part tres and week 8 preview

Originally, I was going to bring back the shitty asshole costume this halloween.  However, Katie preferred I go as something she "wants to have sex with...like a Viking or a Scotsman."  Since I thought that was gay, I decided to go as famed Civil War general Ambrose Burnsides (where the name "sideburns" come from).  It should be great.  Dorky history figure + funny facial hair = dorky will with funny facial hair.

Nude Tayne 118.2       London's Lackey's  96.7
In an earlier post, I called whiteford an imitator.  Apparently, this made him angry, and he fucked Bardey up this week.   Whiteford led a balanced attack; 16.4 from bjax, 18 from Colston, 15 from Witten, and 17 from the Chiefs D.  Going into Monday, however, the winner was in no way decided (they were tied I believe). But, Whiteford got 10 from manningham and 15 from Witten...and poor dois could only manage 4 from the romoless Miles Austin.

Return of Terry Tate 82.6    Boys on Boats 71.7
Oh Blick.  Still defeated.  Seahawks D had 19...and that's about the only good thing.  Driver had 0; 4 from deangelo.  The boys on boats sucked hard...again.  Xadam's team didn't fair much better, but they scored enough to win (and scoring at least 80 justified the name change...you're not completely terrible).  Hines had 20; Santana had 12, and Cassel had 16.

Week 7 Awards:
The Fat Wolverine high scorer of the week award goes to:   Nude Tayne with 118.2
The Boys on Boats low scorer of the week award goes to:  Boys on Boats with 71.7 (seems fitting)

Good luck in your week 8 matchups:
Me (6-1) vs Trey (2-5)
Larson (4-3) vs Whiteford (5-2)
Steuber (3-4) vs Sovic (4-3)
Joe (2-5) vs Beb (3-4)
Dekker (3-4) vs Blick (0-7)

And the game of the week:
Bardey (5-2) vs Xadam (5-2)

Give em hell, bitches.

Week 7 part dos

Big trade went through today.   I traded Donovan mcnabb and Ldt to Whiteford for Andre Johnson (there were also some throw ins).  How did I deal with my first loss of the season (by only 0.4 pts)?  I overreacted and traded for the number one receiver in football (well, from last year).  I'm fucking jerry jones and Dan snyder rolled into one, bitches.  I plan on blowing my fantasy skeet all over this league before losing in the first round of the playoffs to fucking xadam or something.  I love fantasy...and fantasy nba started tonight.  So fucking psyched.

Two more matchups went down to the wire on Monday night (Giants and cowboys):


Steuberleague 95        the warfishes the warfishes 90
Trey had a monster day from Carson Palmer (30 pts), and he would have had his 3rd win if Roy Williams had done fucking anything on monday night (but, romo died...so I guess it's understandable).  Steuber had solid days from Drew Brees (15), Vernon Davis (13), and Steve Smith (17), but his real stud was knowshon.  Despite Oakland ramming a huge football up Denver's ass, knowshon was still able to get his (21 pts).

Manning and me 115.9      Team Pussy 113.7
This was another close one.  I know it's cliche to say things "come down to the wire," but this one really did come down to the wire.  Beb entered the Monday night game down Dekker, and Beb needed Eli to outscore Ahmad Bradshaw by about 10 pts.  After starting slow (two quick int's), Eli started to get hot and actually ended up with a great point total (23.1).  However, he threw a fuckload in interceptions (I think 4 overall).  He also threw one with out about 2 min left, which put dekker within striking distance.  But, as long as the Cowboys ran out the clock trying to score (they were down by 13 at the time), then Bradshaw (for Dekker) couldn't get the ball back.  Naturally, the cowboys scored on the next play (a nice pass from Kitna to Dez).  That put Giants under center one more time...just for handoffs to RB's.  Bradshaw got a few touches, but it wasn't enough as TEam Pussy went down.

Week 7 recaps part uno

DIE!!!!

Well, fuck.  I'm not undefeated anymore.  In lieu of a recap, I'll just talk about the Larson matchup here.  I need to go back a few days to explain thoroughly.  On Friday, Larson called me from Vegas (where apparently they don't have computers), and told me he needed me to help with his lineup.  From his drunken message, in which he didn't know what day it was, I gleaned that he still didn't understand how the add/drops work in Uber.  he had attempted (unsuccessfully) to add the Panthers Defense...but since he hadn't dropped someone, it didn't work.  So, I added the panthers D for him, and then adjusted his lineup.  Flash forward to Monday.  I've scored 105 points, and am leading by 30, but Larson still has Romo and Hakeem Nicks to play.  I don't feel that good about my prospects, especially since I left 45 pts from darren mcfadden on my bench.  Bad coaching = bad juju.  However, Romo decides to crack his clavicle after only scoring 5 pts.  Good start for Wolverine.  Then, Hakeem Nicks decides to fucking shred the Dallas D for at least 23.8 pts (and counting...I'm writing this during the game).   Fat Wolverine goes down...to Larson.  Karma is a bitch.  No more undefeated teams.

Dr Teeth n the electric mayhem  109.8     defeats     Hoosgow 100.8
I certainly don't say this often, but I feel bad for Joe this week.  He received 34 pts from Roddy white, and 22 from Matt Ryan...and lost.  Granted, the rest of his team other than Jamal Charles were garbage, but he still cracked 100.  Hoosgow was another lineup I altered this week.  Joe's on paternity leave at his house.  Like Vegas, apparently apartments in Brooklyn don't have computers or the internet either.  No matter, he lost anyway.  Sovic had a solid week; 5 of his players (flacco, ochocinco, boldin, mjd, and rivers) were in the high teens.  On a non-related note, viche, I can't wait to come visit NY over Dec 10th.  It sucks that Souts and Shelly will be out of town, but at least I'll get some viche time (and of course also dois and sexy joe time).  Since Souts's apartment will be empty, I hope we can stay in his place together and cuddle (if you don't have a place yet).  I call sleeping in Shelly's wet spot.

The rest of the matchups are technically still decided, so I'll wait and write those later in the week.  And yes, I'll actually try and finish them this time.

-Will

Week 6 recaps part A

Well, we're 3/7ths of the way through the regular season.  We have some front runners (me, bardey), some imitators (xadam, whiteford), some solid average teams (dekker, sovic, Larson), some crappers (Steuber, Joe, Beb, and Trey), and a shitstorm (Blick).

On to the week 6 recaps:
Wolverine's fat brother 103     Steuberleauge 79
I won again.  Interesting note.  I have the biggest point differential in the league.  For whatever reason, when other teams play against the Wolverine, they bring their D game and NEVER score that many points (disregarding Dekker's performance in week 2).  When a team has the 2nd fewest points scored against them, I would normally call them "lucky."  However, I've scored over 100pts in every week except week 1...

London's lackeys 106      Hung like Blagoyavich's jury 80
Bardey is very glad Big Ben (dubbed white mamba by simmons...I like it) is back.  His 20.7 pts (along with ryan Torrains's 23.9 and arian's 21) helped the lackeys mercy fuck the shit out of larson.  Romo is finally back (21pts) and Gore (15.9) had a solid day, but those were the only clean spots on Hung's cream-stained sheets of a team.

Xadam 102      Manning and me 86
Hey, beb!  Garcon is finally back (17 pts)!  Unfortunately, the rest of beb's rb/wr's sucked hard (ranging between 4 and 7 pts), and succumbed to xadam's superior squad.  On a side note, i'm not using xadam's team name (terrible...just terrible) because he won.  It just doesn't feel right.  Xadam's team won using a balanced attack:  the highest scorer only had 15 pts (Rashard), but 7 or his 9 starters had double figures.  xadam is in the middle of the pack in total points (mostly because of that horrendous battle of futility with Trey), but he does have the fewest points scored against.  He's 4-2...and lucky.

Week 5

No week 5 writeups.  Boo.
Viche, since you seem invigorated, if you want to take this week, go right ahead.