Week 10 recaps

The last of the bye weeks are over, so all the people who don't enjoy managing their team with the free agent auction system can chill the fuck out (as evidenced by the quiet bidding this week).  On to the recaps...I feel I have to say something about my matchup with viche, even though his writeup is outstanding (the first one below).    Going into Monday night, I was down almost 27 pts, and I only had one more guy to play.  Sovic had absolutely creamed me, and I really didn't give myself much of a chance.  Then, first play of the eagles/skins was a HUGE Vick to Desean 88 yd. td bomb.  I got 15 pts back right there.  Then...desean disappeared for the rest of the game, despite Vick throwing 18 more td's...and my win disappeared as well.  Congrats viche.  I guess I can't be too pissed if I scored 120.5 pts.
And congrats to beb for finally getting married.  Dois, Sovic and I had a fucking blast.  Here are some random pictures from my phone from pre-wedding shit.

Reliving pledge days at the rehearsal dinner...

Some nerdy beb/jenni wedding equations...

...which were eventually simplified to be sexual in nature.

Recaps after the jump...




Dr Teeth 129.4     Fat Wolverine 120.5

For 9 weeks, it looked as though Will and his Wolverine's Fat Brother squad was going to romp their way to an Uberleague title. They had lost only one game, with that loss coming by a mere .4 points. They were the highest-scoring team in the league. They featured a strong running back tandem of Adrian Peterson and Darren McFadden, and had recently added arguably the top receiver in the league, Andre Johnson, to a strong corps of receivers. There was just one problem: they hadn't beaten the Electric Mayhem yet. Granted, Week 10 didn't seem like the best time for Sovic's boys to score an upset, with team leader Philip "Floyd Pepper" Rivers taking the week off to go huntin' or rassle bears or whatever rich hicks do on bye weeks. But a smart fantasy owner knows how to overcome injuries, bye weeks, and highly-drafted disappointments, and when it comes to smart fantasy owners I'm like a Roto Stephen Hawking. This week's genius pick-up? Matt Cassel, whose 35 points were the top individual effort in the game and who cost me a mere $12 last week (note: no one else even bid on him). Kudos also go out to Maurice Jones-Drew (25) and LeGarrette Blount (15), who annihilated their positional counterparts Adrian Peterson (8) and Cedric Benson (3). Wolverine's Fat Brother is still headed to the playoffs with a likely bye, and will still probably win the regular season, but their confidence is clearly shaken, and a looming playoff re-match with Dr. Teeth and the crew haunts the nightmares of every overweight, sideburned one of 'em. I anticipate that this loss will serve as a turning point in the season, with a string of losses on the way for Shoaf and an early flameout in the playoffs.

While my decimation of Will's fantasy squad was brutal and vicious, I'd like to add that I have nothing but warm, fuzzy feelings for Will himself after he hosted Bardey and me for Beb's wedding weekend in Austin. Whether chauffeuring us around from frisbee golf to pitch-and-putt golf, getting us high on his back porch, or treating us to Austin's finest bikini-wearing-waitress sports bar, Shoaf was everything a host could be. The only thing that topped his hospitality was the wedding itself, which was a wonderful affair officiated by a gifted orator in Rev. Jerome Lanshe and celebrating the union of two wonderful people. Everyone there agreed it was a joyous night, and anyone who had the opportunity to be there and didn't show is clearly a complete dipshit. Congratulations, Beb and Jenni, and enjoy Malaysia.

 And yes, by "getting high on his back porch" I mean that we snorted coke off his enormous ass [ed note: best...line...ever.]

Nude Tayne 92.7       Terry Tate   74.2

So this writeup if this writeup seems a bit short and lacking in creativity I blame it on my crankiness from all the flying I've been doing lately.  This comes to you from the lovely SD airport, in the heart of the whale's vagina, if a whale's vagina can even be said to have a heart.

Coming in to the matchup Nude Tayne was definitively the underdog here.  With his star WR core either decimated by injuries (Rice [ed note: when was Rice a star?], Collie) or on bye (Colston, Jennings), it looked like Tayne might have to chalk this week up as a loss and focus on the home stretch for a playoff spot.  And although most of Tayne's team had predictably mediocre to decent performances, it was Kyle Orton that led the team to victory.  Orton has been a fantasy god so far this season and he took every opportunity to beat up on the Chiefs and score almost 30 fantasy points.  Not quite Vick-level performance, but damn good for the the QB.  Witten and McGahee were big disappointments this week, especially McGahee who's been hot or cold all season and barely saw the ball this week.  I had to to take a chance on a Raven.  Luckily it didn't matter as many of Terry Tate's star players simply shit the futon [thanks for bring this back, yt].  All it would've taken was respectable games from Ward and Mendenhall to claim victory for the Reebok-loving Linebacker but the Steelers were in a sorry state on Sunday.  Ward got injured and Mendenhall didn't get to see the ball much because Pitt fell behind early.  Other stinkers on Tate's team included Moss and BMarsh, while the only power came from his two QBs.  Freeman is definitely a worthy OP but it wasn't nearly enouigh.  Better luck next week Terry as you face the formidable Fat Wolverine.  I look forward to kicking Dekker (and his team of pussies) asses.

Team Pussy 129.9      Dr. Blago  109.8

It's with some sadness that I write this summary ... after the shellacking Team Blago hung on me Sunday afternoon I was looking forward to Larson's inevitable witty writeup this week.  But we will have to wait for the comments, because alas, the Michael Vick show rode into DC on Monday night and the rest was history ... a 30 point deficit (not the mention the Redskins) was gone by the end of the first quarter and Team Pussy pulled out the improbable comeback.

As a quick aside, I think Vick eclipsed Blago stud Peyton Hillis as my vote for this year's best waiver pickup.  Hillis has been awesome this year (a pedestrian 82 yards and a touchdown this week) but anyone with the potential to put up 50 in a week takes the cake even though he's one 25 yard scramble turned head first dive from a seperated shoulder, ending his, mine, and the Eagles seasons.

Another week goes by and Pussy is closing in on Big Cat.  Yes, there may be 4 decent (Bardey) to mediocre (Sovic) to shitty (xAdam) teams between us in the standings at 6-4.  But when the dust settles I think we will have a Pussy and a Cat dancing a jig.  Perhaps Will knows it in his heart ... it can be the only explanation for his relentless pursuit of Michael Vick [ed note: I was so fucking close!!!  I should have accepted the first time you wanted benson.  Damn, damn, damn].  I almost considered his 3rd offer this week but thank goodness I held out.  Till next week boys.

Hoosgow 129     London's Lackey's  113.5

The 'Gow taught the Lackeys a little lesson in leverage this Sunday by doubling down on the Atlanta Falcons' one-two QB WR punch.  It paid off handsomely.  Le Dois hedged his bets like a man who vacations in Rhode Island on draft day, and played Brady and Big Ben, who played each other.  Le Dois was probably thinking, well one of them will be on the field at all times during their game.  But Hoosgow was licking his chops secure in the knowledge that at all times, one of them would not be on the field, thus ensuring victory for Hoosgow.  Nevertheless, proving that the "Random Walk" theory of the stock markets is not far from wrong (except as pertains to Warren Buffet, the financial equivalent of Hoosgow), Le Dois' conservative, negative strategy nearly worked, and on Monday morning the squads were neck and neck at 113.6 (the 'Gow) to 113.5 (Le Dois).  It all came down to LeSean McCoy, who crushed Le Dois and Les Skins like proper frenchmen.  Another huge victory for Hoosgow, who are heating up, as usual, right before the playoffs.  

Boys on Boats (106.4) - Ste uberleague (104.9)

 Boys on Boats narrowly squeaked out a 1.5 point win over Ste uberleague.  Solid performances from quarterbacks David Garrard (26.1) and Matt Hasselbeck (18.2) and the ever-reliable Chris Johnson (19.4) led the way for the Boys.  Steuber had a pretty good week - scoring over 100 points - getting good production out of Mark Sanchez (24.2) and Knouwschauown Moreno (22.6).  Steuber's poor coaching is really what did him in though - Felix Jones had 19.6 on the bench while Thomas Jones, in the starting lineup, had 2.2.  My bench scored a combined total of 6.4 points - that's what you call good coaching - putting it all in the starting lineup.

 Going into the Monday night game, I was ahead by 16.5 points.  My players were done and Steuber had Jeremy Maclin going against the Redskins.  I thought that surely not even the Redskins would allow Maclin to score 16.6+ fantasy points against them.  I arrived at FedEx Field halfway through the first quarter after having sat in traffic for 2 hours.  The Eagles were already ahead 21-0.  I didn't know who had scored the first 3 Eagles touchdowns but when Vick hit Maclin for a 48 yard TD (a 10.8 point fantasy play in itself) on the first play of the second quarter to put Philly up 35-0, I was sure I had lost.  To make matters worse, it was raining and I was sitting next to a drunk English client of my firm's who was at his first "professional American football" game.  His questions about the rules were fine but I started losing patience when he began asking about whether the Redskins were the worst team in the league or whether 45 first half points for one team was typical and then droning on about how great Tottenham Hotspur's "European campaign" is going.

 P.S.  For the benefit of the Maryland guys in the league - Maclin didn't end up scoring 16.6+ fantasy points.  You can tell that because Steuber didn't have more total points than me.  Sorry to keep you guys in suspense until the last paragraph.

the warfishes the warfishes (90) versus manning and me (83)

since beb is in malaysia on his honeymoon, and i am not the wittiest writer amongst us, i am going to assume that few uberleague participants will be reading this mediocre writeup covering two mediocre teams.  however, perhaps if i keep it short, you may take the time to read a few sentences.  if so, i have successfully waisted [ed note:  I thought about changing the spelling...but decided to leave it] a minute of your not so precious (based on the novel push by sapphire) time and for that i am not sorry.  sincerely, the warfishes the warfishes.

ONLY 3 WEEKS LEFT, BITCHES!!!  Good luck in week 11.