Week 7 part tres and week 8 preview

Originally, I was going to bring back the shitty asshole costume this halloween.  However, Katie preferred I go as something she "wants to have sex with...like a Viking or a Scotsman."  Since I thought that was gay, I decided to go as famed Civil War general Ambrose Burnsides (where the name "sideburns" come from).  It should be great.  Dorky history figure + funny facial hair = dorky will with funny facial hair.

Nude Tayne 118.2       London's Lackey's  96.7
In an earlier post, I called whiteford an imitator.  Apparently, this made him angry, and he fucked Bardey up this week.   Whiteford led a balanced attack; 16.4 from bjax, 18 from Colston, 15 from Witten, and 17 from the Chiefs D.  Going into Monday, however, the winner was in no way decided (they were tied I believe). But, Whiteford got 10 from manningham and 15 from Witten...and poor dois could only manage 4 from the romoless Miles Austin.

Return of Terry Tate 82.6    Boys on Boats 71.7
Oh Blick.  Still defeated.  Seahawks D had 19...and that's about the only good thing.  Driver had 0; 4 from deangelo.  The boys on boats sucked hard...again.  Xadam's team didn't fair much better, but they scored enough to win (and scoring at least 80 justified the name change...you're not completely terrible).  Hines had 20; Santana had 12, and Cassel had 16.

Week 7 Awards:
The Fat Wolverine high scorer of the week award goes to:   Nude Tayne with 118.2
The Boys on Boats low scorer of the week award goes to:  Boys on Boats with 71.7 (seems fitting)

Good luck in your week 8 matchups:
Me (6-1) vs Trey (2-5)
Larson (4-3) vs Whiteford (5-2)
Steuber (3-4) vs Sovic (4-3)
Joe (2-5) vs Beb (3-4)
Dekker (3-4) vs Blick (0-7)

And the game of the week:
Bardey (5-2) vs Xadam (5-2)

Give em hell, bitches.

Week 7 part dos

Big trade went through today.   I traded Donovan mcnabb and Ldt to Whiteford for Andre Johnson (there were also some throw ins).  How did I deal with my first loss of the season (by only 0.4 pts)?  I overreacted and traded for the number one receiver in football (well, from last year).  I'm fucking jerry jones and Dan snyder rolled into one, bitches.  I plan on blowing my fantasy skeet all over this league before losing in the first round of the playoffs to fucking xadam or something.  I love fantasy...and fantasy nba started tonight.  So fucking psyched.

Two more matchups went down to the wire on Monday night (Giants and cowboys):


Steuberleague 95        the warfishes the warfishes 90
Trey had a monster day from Carson Palmer (30 pts), and he would have had his 3rd win if Roy Williams had done fucking anything on monday night (but, romo died...so I guess it's understandable).  Steuber had solid days from Drew Brees (15), Vernon Davis (13), and Steve Smith (17), but his real stud was knowshon.  Despite Oakland ramming a huge football up Denver's ass, knowshon was still able to get his (21 pts).

Manning and me 115.9      Team Pussy 113.7
This was another close one.  I know it's cliche to say things "come down to the wire," but this one really did come down to the wire.  Beb entered the Monday night game down Dekker, and Beb needed Eli to outscore Ahmad Bradshaw by about 10 pts.  After starting slow (two quick int's), Eli started to get hot and actually ended up with a great point total (23.1).  However, he threw a fuckload in interceptions (I think 4 overall).  He also threw one with out about 2 min left, which put dekker within striking distance.  But, as long as the Cowboys ran out the clock trying to score (they were down by 13 at the time), then Bradshaw (for Dekker) couldn't get the ball back.  Naturally, the cowboys scored on the next play (a nice pass from Kitna to Dez).  That put Giants under center one more time...just for handoffs to RB's.  Bradshaw got a few touches, but it wasn't enough as TEam Pussy went down.

Week 7 recaps part uno

DIE!!!!

Well, fuck.  I'm not undefeated anymore.  In lieu of a recap, I'll just talk about the Larson matchup here.  I need to go back a few days to explain thoroughly.  On Friday, Larson called me from Vegas (where apparently they don't have computers), and told me he needed me to help with his lineup.  From his drunken message, in which he didn't know what day it was, I gleaned that he still didn't understand how the add/drops work in Uber.  he had attempted (unsuccessfully) to add the Panthers Defense...but since he hadn't dropped someone, it didn't work.  So, I added the panthers D for him, and then adjusted his lineup.  Flash forward to Monday.  I've scored 105 points, and am leading by 30, but Larson still has Romo and Hakeem Nicks to play.  I don't feel that good about my prospects, especially since I left 45 pts from darren mcfadden on my bench.  Bad coaching = bad juju.  However, Romo decides to crack his clavicle after only scoring 5 pts.  Good start for Wolverine.  Then, Hakeem Nicks decides to fucking shred the Dallas D for at least 23.8 pts (and counting...I'm writing this during the game).   Fat Wolverine goes down...to Larson.  Karma is a bitch.  No more undefeated teams.

Dr Teeth n the electric mayhem  109.8     defeats     Hoosgow 100.8
I certainly don't say this often, but I feel bad for Joe this week.  He received 34 pts from Roddy white, and 22 from Matt Ryan...and lost.  Granted, the rest of his team other than Jamal Charles were garbage, but he still cracked 100.  Hoosgow was another lineup I altered this week.  Joe's on paternity leave at his house.  Like Vegas, apparently apartments in Brooklyn don't have computers or the internet either.  No matter, he lost anyway.  Sovic had a solid week; 5 of his players (flacco, ochocinco, boldin, mjd, and rivers) were in the high teens.  On a non-related note, viche, I can't wait to come visit NY over Dec 10th.  It sucks that Souts and Shelly will be out of town, but at least I'll get some viche time (and of course also dois and sexy joe time).  Since Souts's apartment will be empty, I hope we can stay in his place together and cuddle (if you don't have a place yet).  I call sleeping in Shelly's wet spot.

The rest of the matchups are technically still decided, so I'll wait and write those later in the week.  And yes, I'll actually try and finish them this time.

-Will

Week 6 recaps part A

Well, we're 3/7ths of the way through the regular season.  We have some front runners (me, bardey), some imitators (xadam, whiteford), some solid average teams (dekker, sovic, Larson), some crappers (Steuber, Joe, Beb, and Trey), and a shitstorm (Blick).

On to the week 6 recaps:
Wolverine's fat brother 103     Steuberleauge 79
I won again.  Interesting note.  I have the biggest point differential in the league.  For whatever reason, when other teams play against the Wolverine, they bring their D game and NEVER score that many points (disregarding Dekker's performance in week 2).  When a team has the 2nd fewest points scored against them, I would normally call them "lucky."  However, I've scored over 100pts in every week except week 1...

London's lackeys 106      Hung like Blagoyavich's jury 80
Bardey is very glad Big Ben (dubbed white mamba by simmons...I like it) is back.  His 20.7 pts (along with ryan Torrains's 23.9 and arian's 21) helped the lackeys mercy fuck the shit out of larson.  Romo is finally back (21pts) and Gore (15.9) had a solid day, but those were the only clean spots on Hung's cream-stained sheets of a team.

Xadam 102      Manning and me 86
Hey, beb!  Garcon is finally back (17 pts)!  Unfortunately, the rest of beb's rb/wr's sucked hard (ranging between 4 and 7 pts), and succumbed to xadam's superior squad.  On a side note, i'm not using xadam's team name (terrible...just terrible) because he won.  It just doesn't feel right.  Xadam's team won using a balanced attack:  the highest scorer only had 15 pts (Rashard), but 7 or his 9 starters had double figures.  xadam is in the middle of the pack in total points (mostly because of that horrendous battle of futility with Trey), but he does have the fewest points scored against.  He's 4-2...and lucky.

Week 5

No week 5 writeups.  Boo.
Viche, since you seem invigorated, if you want to take this week, go right ahead.

Week 4 recaps part 2

Phillies just won game two of the NLDS after the Reds made 4 errors and hit 3 batters.  I'm fucking psyched, and I'm going to finish getting drunk.  However, I need to finish the week 4 recaps.

Manning and me 96.5   Hung Like Blagoyavich's Jury 86.7
Beb pulled to 2-2 after beating Larson's Romoless squad.  I think it's safe to say that we discussed the "not setting lineup thing" in depth, so I'll leave it alone for now.  However, If Larson starts a QB and a RB, he probably would have won.  Beb was led by Palmer (19.8) and the immortal Reggie Wayne (18.6).  Calvin Johnson went off for 20 on Larson's team.  Both teams are now 2-2.

Steuberleauge 86.3   Team Dekker 79.2
What an exciting game.  Dekker was losing by about 6 going into monday night, and just needed Moss and Ronnie Brown to not suck.  Well, they sucked.  Dekker got solid games from Ahmad Bradshaw (19) and the Titans D (17), but his receiving core of Moss, Floyd and Wallace combined for only 7 points.  Steuber's skill players didn't do much at all (only combining for about 57 points).  However, the Chargers D absolutely raped Arizona, scoring 29 pts in the process.  Damn.  I did some research, and it's the 3rd highest scoring total for a Defense so far this year (I thought for sure it would be number one, but the pats scored 35 this week, and the Steelers scored 30 in week 2 or something).  Both teams are now 1-3.

Warfishes 53.7        Terrible...just terrible 52.3
This matchup was just fucking miserable.  Some thoughts:
--I can't believe Trey gets a win for this.  He's now 1-3.
--BOTH teams started qb's that finished with negative pts.  Cutler (-2.4) for xadam.  Derek Anderson (-1.6) for Trey.
--If xadam's wife had had a baby this week and he had not played a qb by accident...he would have won.
--They both would have lost to any other team this week (including Joe who had 3 blanks in his team).
--They both would have lost to any other team this year from any week...these are by far the two lowest outputs from any team so far.

To watch in week 5:
Battle of the Undefeated:  Dois and I (both 4-0) play each other.  I get to play dois when he has Brady on bye.  Good for me.
Also, Blickley will try to not be defeated anymore as he goes for his first win against Larson.
Hey!  Everyone's lineup is already set!  Sometimes, being a dick works.  I love you all.

Good luck, bitches.

Week 4 recaps (part 1) and Shitty Owner Discussion

It's Monday, and the 3-legged dog, Abbott, has been in our house for two days.  So far, it's scared of everything and every time I move, it stands up and tries to get away.  It likes to go outside, but then forgets where it came from and is scared to go back inside the door.  However, it really likes hot dogs (caviar to dogs, I'm told).  But, if something moves while it's eating a piece of hot dog, it gets scared and spits it out.  It's was probably highly abused in the past (or just mentally retarded).  If this keeps up, I'll have to change his name to xadam.
In honor of our pathetic, retarded dog, I'd like to recap the most pathetically one-sided matchups of the week and discuss some of our pathetic, retarded owners in the uberleauge (box scores and commentary after the jump)...

Final Power Predictions/rankings/thingies...part 3.

Katie's bringing home our 3 legged dog tomorrow.  Even though it's only a "trial", we have decided to name him Abbott. My idea;  I thought it was fitting considering the missing appendage.  We have 5 teams left.  Here it goes.
Teams 3-5 are in the "almost as good as Bardey and Will tier."

5.  Hung like Blagoyavich's Jury 2-1 -- 301.9 pts (Larson, 11th in post draft rankings)
At first, I thought Larson belonged in the lower tier.  I didn't think his team was that good.  However, I noticed that he had HUGE days from bench players (which would have put his total pts a lot higher) two weeks in a row.  Gore has been solid,  Romo is finally scoring some points and Hillis looks to be a great pickup (despite the fact that I mocked it heavily at the time).  So, I decided that he did deserve to be in the "almost winner" tier.  However, Javid Best has Turf Toe, Calvin Johnson hasn't been good with stafford out, and Pierre Thomas is missing practices.  so...he gets to be at the bottom of these rankings.

4.  Dr. Teeth n the electric mayhem  2-1  --  310.8 pts (Sovic, 3 in post draft rankings)
Things I love about Viche's team:  Rivers, Boldin, Pitt D, and Cooley have been amazing.  Flacco hasn't performed up to expectations (but last week might have broken him out of the slump), and everyone's talking about MJD's mysterious injury that much be affecting him.  However, I think Lance Moore and Tolbert were nice waiver pickups.  In addition, Jacoby Jones and Jstew are capable backups on his bench (maybe not jstew, but carolina is sure to relearn how to rush the ball again at some point).  Sovic's only loss was against Dois in week 2, and he absolutely exploded last week with 128.5 pts.  Also, Sovic, I love your comments about power rankings.  Maybe these aren't power rankings.  I don't know.  But I love you.

3.  Team Dekker  1-2  327.8 pts (8 in th post draft rankings)
Yeah, I know Dekker is 1-2.  But man, has his team been explosive recently.  In week one, he only put up a measley 70ish pts and lost.  In week two, he scored 115, but lost to the explosive Fat Wolverine.  In week 3, he put up 140 and would not be denied a victory (and he trashed hoosgow, which always makes me happy). He got rid of his deangelo83 albatross and added some good complimentary pieces (god I love jermichael Finley).  However, he's mostly been riding Aaron rodgers (20.7 avg) and Vick (25.9 avg).  They've both been sensational.  I was going to write something witty about Vick and Espn here, but Viche already beat me to it.  You can check it out here.  It's in the 3rd writeup from the top.

2.  Wolverine's Fat Brother 3-0 -- 338.3 pts (1 in the post draft rankings)
1.  London's Lackeys 3-0 --  359 pts (7 in the post draft rankings.

Yeah, Dois and I are number 1 and 2.  We're the only 3-0 teams.  Instead of writing specifically about how awesome we are (although I've alluded to it previously), I encourage all of you to describe our teams in the comments.  I expect something grand...(and I'm sure beb will make a gay joke).

Good Luck in week 4.