Week 3...the first half

Well, fuck. I can't believe I lost to Joe and Trey in consecutive weeks. I'm a broken man. I've got nothing left to say. Also, if you take the time to read these, go ahead and comment on something. For those of you who don't read your email, here's Trey's writeup of our game:

Death Becomes Her (70) vs. White Mamba (108)
After coming off a painful loss to the hated Hoosgow, one would have thought that the Commish would have been focused and ready to play. In week 2, Death Becomes Her went for 69 (a nice number for the bedroom, not for the fantasy field) In Week 3, team moribund managed to only bleed out one more point, narrowly escaping the dubious honor of lowest scoring team - which this week went to Hoosgow. Will's only highlight was a good game by a second rate quarterback, Jason Campbell. In contrast, White Mamba (high scorer of the week) had a balanced attack with 6 players in double digits. White Mamba was also led by his quarterback Aaron Rodgers, who unlike Jason Campbell is a solid starting quarterback. The Commish faces Dekker in Week 4 where he will hope to end his losing streak. Unfortunately, according to top Yahoo analyst he is unlikely to do so.

So, Trey's a dick.

Here's the rest:

Fire Al Groh 88 I am Milton waddams 75

Well, bardey is now the only team with a "0" in his record. Congrats, Mr. Undefeated. 88 isn't a great total, but it was enough against Leonardo delackio. Bardey's highest scorer was a TE (Celek with 17), but his balanced attack had 5 guys score in double figures. Lenny had shit except for Philip Rivers (17) and MJD (32). Going into Monday night, Lenny could have beaten dois. He just needed 15 from Jonathan Stewart (he got 1pt). Bardey's now 3-0, and Lenny's one of the seven teams sitting at 1-2 (I love parity).

Try my product 84 Hoosgow 63

Beb earned his first win this year against the hated hoosgow, and successfully revenged the stunning defeat of his fellow Austinite (thanks). Beb was led by his favorite frenchman, Pierre Thomas, with 25 pts. Kurt Warner (whose feelings have been hurt quite a bit with beb's constant reminders of his accidental draft status) pitched in 14, and Greg Jennings finally showed life with 11. But...Braylon still sucks (3pts). Bad pick. Joe, I'm happy to see you lose this week. Schaub did well, but that's about it. Oh, and Westbrook didn't play, but you still started him. Nice coaching. I'd try to make fun of you more, but I lost to you last week, and that damn picture of you and Santino is fucking cute.

I'll finish the rest later, the Phillies are trying to clinch against the Astros. But I want to say one last thing. I know my team is shit in uber (always), but I've really enjoyed this year. Other than Dois's great start, we have a fuck load of parity in this league. And the emails have been great. Keep it up, bitches.

Week 2 review...the rest of it

I saved the two basement dweller writeups for last. Larson and Beb, sorry you guys are 0-2...but someone has to suck the hardest.

Troy McClure Movie 98 I am worse than Ezra 91

Oh, larson. You haven't said a thing over email. What a douche. Anyway, Dallas Clark had 25. That's all the writeup you get. Also, your name is humorous, but isn't the reference a bit old? I have a friend from high school who still sends pulp fiction quotes out over email. I mean, it was a great movie, but come on...find a newer reference. Actually, it's just kind of sad with him because he works his ass off, and I'm pretty sure Pulp Fiction was the last movie he saw. Anyway, Larson, don't be that guy. Sovic, you had a solid day. No guys in the 20's, but 5 in double figures, and 2 with 8 pts. The only guy who really sucked was Kenny Britt, but I'm not even sure who that is, so I don't expect much.

I am Milton Waddams 87 Try my product 71

Beb, I know you very well. You do research before the draft, and you usually draft a pretty good team. During the season, you make a few moves that usually end up improving your team (except that carson for peyton trade a couple years back...simply awful). But this year, your team gargles balls. In fact, if Joe hadn't had his 35 point crapfest in week 1, you'd be 0-2 AND the lowest scoring team in the league. When I look at your team, I feel nauseous. I mean, I like Jennings (who has sucked) and Turner (who is just normal this year)...but the rest of your team is extremely questionable/shitty. Warner? Risky and old. Braylon? coming off an awful year and doesn't seem to be any better. Jamal Lewis? Blech. I don't know, man. I'm not sure this is your year. But, it's early, overpay for some shitty free agents and we'll see how it works out. Lenny, good win...but Marion's Barber's 22 pts was the only thing you really had going.

So, good luck in week 3. I hope I slay the White Mamba.

Also, I see sovic dropped Darious Heyward-Bey...probably a good move.

Will

Week 2 in Review: Part 1.

Well, fuck me. I talked all kinds of shit about Joe's team last week and he beat the shit out of me this week...without starting a kicker AND having Antonio Bryant as a DNP. I deserved to lose. Somehow, the fantasy gods fucking love the Hoosgow. After 2 weeks, his team still has scored the fewest points overall; yet, he somehow is 1-1. I will not say more about this week, I have to move on. Joe, I'm looking forward to your writeup of our matchup; just include it in the comments or email it to me and I'll add it in the post.

Fire Al Groh 130 Who dat Ninja 91

Bardey is the new powerhouse of Uber? Usually, he blows in this league, but since his team is VERY shitty in Bifl this year, his Uber team is kicking ass. He's 2-0 and is leading the league with 234 pts. Now, a lot of this week's score is from Chris Johnson (46 pts), but he also had 4 others in double figures (brees 23, ochocinco 15, driver 15, and longwell 10). Blick, you had 38 from Gore and not much else, but you still managed a decent score. Too bad the autodraft failed you this week (if you make one roster move, I can stop bringing it up).

Caesar live here? 108 Bromantic Ballsquad 86

Dekker, congrats on your win (even though I am going to start referring to you as Mr. Schuester). This matchup was actually much closer than the scores would indicate. Dekker had 5 players in double figures; Steuber had 4. But the big difference came with Steuber's WR's and TE. True, Vincent Jackson had 21; but Wayne, Crayton, and Zach Miller combined to score 5 points. On another note, you guys really have to watch an episode of Glee. The guy looks exactly like Dekker (same mannerisms and everything). It really freaked me out. Disclaimer: the show is completely gay...and I love it.

Pitchman 86 White Mamba 65

And the lowest score of the week goes to: White Mamba!!! Congrats Trey, your team really sucked this week. Looking at the box score, I still think your team has the capacity to score some points (slaton, rodgers, TJ, Gates, Randy Moss, Hines Ward). Your guys just had an off week. Whiteford, you would have lost (or tied) to most other teams, but you were facing the mamba. You and bardey are the only teams still undefeated, but I'm not ready to call your team a powerhouse yet (but with AD able to rip off 30-40 on any given week, you're never out of it). Let's see how Coltson, Boldin, Addai, etc. do in the next few weeks.

I'll finish up later in the week,

Will

Congrats, Dekker

I don't know the score of Dekker's uber game (I haven't even looked at the box scores yet). Recaps will come later. However, after watching the first episode of "Glee," I'd like to congratulate Dekker on landing the lead in fox's immensely successful new show.

First episode of Glee from hulu

Week 1 in review (Rivalry Week!)

So, week 1 is over. Personally, I think week 1 writeups are dumb, because it's hard to predict how good and bad teams are just by one week's performance (except Joe...he sucks). But, here goes.

Pitchman 111 Caesar Live Here? 61

Even though Whiteford and Dekker have barely hung out (ever), this is possibly the most hated rivalry we have in Uber. I was hoping for a tight game with an exciting finish. Instead, Dekker shit the futon (I'm bringing this phrase back). Other than AD with 38, whiteford didn't have an outstanding day (but 19 from Hasselback was a pleasant surprise). But, with the putrid stink emanating from Dekker's squad, he didn't need much. Dekker did get 20 from Santonio and 15 from Peyton, but the rest of his team was garbage. Combined score from Forte and Fast Willie: 6 pts. Fantastic.

Who dat Ninja 107 I am Milton Waddams 93

God, this rivalry is lame. But, the game was exciting. Blick's autodrafted team had a solid day (romo 27, Roy W. 14, Gore 16, Tony G 13). Lenny's team did okay as well, but when John Carleson (21 fucking pts!) is your highest scorer, you usually lose. On a side note, Blick is getting married this Saturday (and then I imagine he's going on a honeymoon), so he probably won't be checking his team for a while. I guess autoplay naturally follows autodraft. Congratulations anyway (seriously, good luck this weekend).

Bromantic Ballsquad 94 I am worse than Ezra 71

Poor, poor Larson. I just feel bad for him. I mean, he's led a rough life. He went to a great college, got a great job after college, then went to law school. He's always dated hot girls, and then he married one in a castle in Europe. He also juggles fire. Adding insult to injury, Steuber gave him an epic beatdown in rivaly week. Don't' worry, Larson, the breaks will go your way eventually. Steuber, you got great weeks from Reggie Wayne, Vjax, Deangelo, and Ryan Grant. congrats. I'm just glad I don't have to look at a picture of poop anymore when I check out your team (I'm glad you laid Chapupa to rest).

Fire Al Groh 104 Suddenly Tulsa 82

Bardey won, Drew brees scored 37, his team was better than sovic's, blah, blah, blah. I need to use this space to describe Sovic's epic blog post about our other league (bifl). Sovic (because he's unemployed with lots of free time) did research on each team's record against every other team in the league (I believe the history goes back 5 years or so). Then he analyzed trends, streaks, inadvertent rivalries, etc. It was fucking amazing. I would love to say that the only reason I don't plan on doing this for uber is because our history is all fucked up (because of site changes), but in reality, i could never put together a post like that...and it makes me sad. If you like reading posts about football leagues you're not involved in, check it out.

Epic bifl post

White Mamba 88 Hoosgow 35

oh...my...god. Joe, you know I love you. You send me cute videos of your son Thomas, and I love watching them. Normalinda is an amazing woman, and you two are awesome for each other. If I was ever stranded somewhere and needed a corporate lawyer, I'd know you would be there for me. But...you suck at fantasy football. I'm not sure why (lack of research and dedication). I mean, you were the fucking champ one year (which was lucky as shit). Hopefully, the breaks will start going your way (if you learn how to change players on your roster). Trey, great days from TJ, Randy, and Aaron. Congrats on the win. However, what are you doing right now in LA? I received an email in which you stated you were "in a fellowship," but you offered no other details. What the hell does that mean? I imagine you are in a grad school type environment, but I'm not ruling out the possibility that you became a man of God. Fill us in.

Death Becomes Her 102 Try my Product 66

I won; beb lost. I'm happy because of it. Beb, maybe you'll give us a little writeup in the comment section. I don't like to masturbate in front of the entire group.

High Scorer of the week: Whiteford (111...courtesy of AD)

Low Scorer of the week: you fucking know who it is.

Good luck in week 2.

Fucking Filtering Software

So, I can't access yahoo fantasy OR Espn fantasy on my computer at school because of filtering software. So, the game writeups won't happen until thursday or Friday. Oddly enough, I can still access our old uberleague through cbssportsline.com. Apparently, they don't care that we didn't pay. I imagine our league will be deleted at some point, but right now, we have the same teams as last year and we just played our first games. Well, we did have the same teams. Because I'm a huge dork, I used my commish powers to make some changes to Vagina Dentata.
1. I added Tom Brady from the waiver wire (only fair since I drafted him last year).
2. Larson was kind enough to trade me Adrian Peterson for Eli Manning.
3. Steuber gave up Larry Fitzgerald in exchange for Lavernaues Coles.
4. Dekker traded me Calvin Johnson for Lance Moore.

Since this site is the only one I can access from work, I imagine I'll be paying more attention to my fake uber team than my real one this year. If you want to see how you're "old" team is doing:
http://lcm.football.cbssports.com/
UPDATE: I found out Bardey added a kicker because his old one was out of football. I'm not the only dork.
Will

Early Observations of week 1

We'll see how this blog shit works. I'd like to think that despite everyone's learning curve on yahoo (except for the genius Larson), Rivalry Week was a success. Here are some early observations from week 1.

1. My team is much better than beb's. Santana Moss and Braylon Edwards still suck.
2. Blick's auto drafted team is pretty good. If he's the champ this year, we have to kick him out of the league.
3. Dekker had an awful, awful week. He's been noticeably silent because of it. Whiteford, why aren't you rubbing that shit in?
4. Drew Brees is good. He is letting Dois shit on sovic's forehead this week.
5. Larson is right. I'm an idiot for not realizing that Marshawn could be taken out today for Fred Taylor. But his team has still sucked a hard one so far. That said, he's got 5 guys still to play.
6. Joe's team is awful, which is like saying the sun will come up tomorrow. Nice empty kicker (even if you did try).
7. Trey's weirdo "iphoto'd" picture is so 2004.

Welcome to a new season, bitches.

Will