Week 12 recaps part one

Only one week left in the regular season.  Crazy shit.  Here are the first half of the recaps.  The rest of the recaps followed by a week 13 preview are in the works.  I hope to have them out by Saturday.  


Nude Tayne 106.2     Hoosgow 80.5 (recap by whiteford)

I have very little to say about my actual matchup against Joe so if you are reading this expecting something mostly about football I’d skip it entirely.  If you want to read a little about my Thanksgiving with Will and his Dad then read on to the second paragraph.  But let’s briefly get the fantasy stuff out of the way.  It was pretty boring and went largely as predicted, i.e. Kyle Orton had a huge game, BJax had a lousy one, and the rest of my team was average.   Joe’s only shining star on the other hand was Jamal Charles but that wasn’t nearly enough.  So, down goes the hated Hoosgow. 

Anyway, I spent my Thanksgiving eating turkey, not drinking alcohol, and watching the Dallas v NO game at some crazy people's house with a man who owned ~14,500 VHS tapes that were very loosely organized; however, were securely stored within a temperature and humidity controlled shed.  He proceeded to trap me, my wife, Will, and Will’s father in the shed and describe in detail his collection, walking us through the stacks upon stacks of movies for about half an hour.   My favorite sections were his "Exploitation" section (both of black people and women) and "Italian Horror" collection.  Fascinating.   This man is somehow part of Katie’s family so Will is the one that gets to visit every Thanksgiving.  To make Will’s Dad look good (Dr. Shoaf was afraid of coming off badly due to lack of wine/nap and general crankiness) I had got to be the “bad cop”, which turned out to actually happen when I began loudly rooting against the Cowboys.  Everyone loved me.

Dr Teeth 77.7  Boys on Boats 51 (recap by viche)

There is neither great pride nor much to say in winning a fantasy game with 78 points, but I just wrote an entry on my own blog about what a horrible owner Bryan Dick is (Shoaf, feel free to provide a link there; page views get me wet link...guys, this is worth a look. Great writing...ed note), so writing about my Uberleague opponent Chris Blickley should be an easy transition. Both Dick and Blick are 2-10 this season, but at least Dick has enough self-respect to start players at every position most weeks. Blickley decided that starting a D/ST in Week 12 would have been excessive, so despite having the Cleveland Browns on his roster, he left that slot blank. Not that it would have helped: pretty much the only player on this team of any value is Chris Johnson, and he dropped a big fat goose egg.

I shouldn't be so bothered, though, since Blick's ineptitude kept my playoff hopes alive despite a rather atrocious performance from the Electric Mayhem. I wasn't really paying attention Monday night, so I'm not sure how the Chargers score 36 points and Philip Rivers scores a mere 8, but as it happens Rivers was picked up by fellow AFC Wester Matt Cassel, who more than doubled anyone else in this contest with 28 points. Honestly, that's all there is to say about this game, except for the fact that I left Fred Jackson on the bench for the third straight week, and in those three weeks he's averaged 26 points. I'm gonna go ahead and start him this week, so naturally he'll be back into the single digits. I am one of an amazing six teams at 7-5, and the lone 6-6 team has a higher point total than me. Needless to say, I'm frightened. See you in the Consolation Bracket.

London's Lackey's 151.2     The Warfishes ditto 54 (recap by dois)

It was a Happy Thanksgiving indeed for the London’s Lackeys!   Despite showing some signs of fight this year, the Detroit Lions are still the Detroit Lions and this year it was the Pats chance for an early turkey day feast.  Golden Boy Tom Brady connected for 2 touchdowns to (recently added and inserted into the Lackey lineup that morning) Deion Branch.  Really I could just stop right there.  When Branch waltzed into the end zone for the 2^nd time, this matchup was over.  Brady’s 30.7 and Branch’s 24.3 were enough to outscore the entire woeful Warfish squad this week.  Much like in Hammond’s delightful writeup last week, Trey can be thankful for Boys on Boats whose 51 points were the league low (although I am led to believe there was some problem with getting a DEF into the lineup – someone please right the ship over there.  I hear Forshay is available as a co-manager).   So Trey was fucked anyway but was especially let down by Chris Johnson’s 0.7 and the highly awaited return of Vincent Jackson which got the dreaded squadoosh (TM stat boy).  Victory firmly in hand, the Men from Charlottesville nevertheless did not quit, knowing they are still in the hunt for the uber points total.  Only Antonio Gates, returning after 2 weeks absence, failed to score in double figures as the Lackeys put up a league-leading 151 points to close the gap on the fat, evil commish to just 3.5 points going into the last week.

Week 11 recaps...better late than never.

Happy Thanksgiving (from Deadspin)

Well, thanksgiving was a interesting for me.  My dad came in town, and we went to hang at katie's family's house (extended family...not inlaws).  However, the person hosting thanksgiving doesn't drink, and doesn't have alcohol in their home.  That's not a huge deal for me or katie, but my wine sucking dad was not happy.  After bitching the entire day before Thanksgiving, once we got into the house, he basically stared off into space, and wondered aloud when we could leave and drink wine.  Whiteford came to thanksgiving with us; he can vouch for this. At one point, my dad awkwardly stared at Whiteford for a while and said, "don't worry, I'm not coming onto you.".  Then he settled back into not interacting with others.  I'm also pretty sure he was eye fucking the shit out of whiteford's wife.  What a great thanksgiving.
The moral of this story:  don't let my dad into your house without wine or Jim Beam around.

Week 11 recaps:
Manning and me  155.2     Dr. Teeth  124.5 (recap by commish)
Holy fucking shit.  Beb had an amazing week.  Since beb is currently in Malaysia balls deep into his new wife, I'm pretty sure we can attribute this win to Jenni's poon.  I've always suspected that she had a fantasy powerhouse hiding behind her knickers; this is all the proof I need.  Where to start?  Beb had 3 guys go over 20 (Ryan fitz, bowe, santonio) and four more over 10 (burner, woodhead, wayne, and marcedes).  Jesus.  What an epic week.  Sovic wasn't a slouch either.  MJD and Rivers matched beb's highest scores, and other sovic coached players did fairly well (as his 122 total points can attest).  However, with Boldin only getting 0.9, it wasn't going to be enough to match up with Beb's players and Jenni's box.  Congrats, beb. 

Team Pussy  126.2    Nude Tayne  119.4 (recap by commish)
I was so excited for this recap.  It was exciting and high scoring...I was getting tingles!  Dekker came out on top, and my mouth was watering for a good old fashioned whiteford skewering.  Alas, it wasn't going to happen.  Dekker texted me that he was busy with thanksgiving (understandable), and didn't have time to write  it up.  However, he did convey this: "just be sure to tell whiteford he put up a good effort and there's still time to jump aboard the Pussy Wagon as it rolls into the playoffs."  Well played, sir.  


Steuberleague  126.5      Londen's Lackey's 119.8 (recap by steuber)
Another typical game for Ste uberleague - an opponent putting up over 100 pts. But wait, somehow Ste uberleague came out on top of this match-up while proudly holding onto the "most points against" position.  Bidet vs Steubet, east vs west; a lot was was riding on this match.  The best coast came out on top with SoCal's finest, dirty Sanchez, proving to be the difference maker vs Bidet's OP, Tom Brady. All other positions were pretty much equal including strong QB & RB performances, mediocre WR play, and crappy D and TE contributions. Anyone want Brees and Moreno for their 1st rd draft pick next yr? (commish note:  are we trading draft picks?)


Return of Terry Tate 104    Fat Wolverine  90.2  (recap by xadam)

Suck it Will!  Suck it long, and suck it hard!  Your little team may perform well against others, but you forgot one thing: Defense wins championships, and my defense has been stellar all season.  Having by far the lowest Points Against, and the only team under 1000 PA, teams just cant score against me, and yours was no different.  Even the "best receiver in the league" was only able to gain a measly 3.2 points.  And to further my argument, only your Bears defense was able to put up a strong showing by shutting out the Miami 3rd string Dolphins.  But it was the Baltimore D (god damn right!) that was able to put the nail in the coffin with 2, yes TWO gratuitous interceptions for touchdowns at the end of the game that they were already dominating.  This week I move to #2.  Next week I plan to tie your record as I shut out the otherwise frightening Rodgers/Vick super QB combo of Pussies.

Hoosgow 95.2    Hung like Blag 78 (recap by sexy Joe)

Hoosgow won big, again, denying the uberworld a chance to read a witty summary by HLBJ.  In the spirit of the season, here is a list of what Hoosgow is thankful for, in reverse order: 

10.  That Dekker made a drafting mistake - otherwise Hoosgow was screwed.

9.  That the non-UVA people admitted to the uberleague are Terrapins who suck and not Hokies who strangely often don't suck.

8.  That the Giants won the Series, and beat the Phillies and Braves (retiring Bobby Cox!) along the way.

7.  That Beb and Jenni registered for a wedding haiku and no one else got it for them.

6.  That the Commish's uber-dreams turn to dust every single year.

5.  That Tottenham is having a great European campaign.

4.  That the Dois was late for the draft, allowing Hoosgow to perform some research.

3.  For Dirk Kuyt (Dekker knows what I mean).

2.  That fantasy football is a game of chance.

1.  That the Boys on Boats are the worst team in the league! 

Good luck in week 12.

Week 10 recaps

The last of the bye weeks are over, so all the people who don't enjoy managing their team with the free agent auction system can chill the fuck out (as evidenced by the quiet bidding this week).  On to the recaps...I feel I have to say something about my matchup with viche, even though his writeup is outstanding (the first one below).    Going into Monday night, I was down almost 27 pts, and I only had one more guy to play.  Sovic had absolutely creamed me, and I really didn't give myself much of a chance.  Then, first play of the eagles/skins was a HUGE Vick to Desean 88 yd. td bomb.  I got 15 pts back right there.  Then...desean disappeared for the rest of the game, despite Vick throwing 18 more td's...and my win disappeared as well.  Congrats viche.  I guess I can't be too pissed if I scored 120.5 pts.
And congrats to beb for finally getting married.  Dois, Sovic and I had a fucking blast.  Here are some random pictures from my phone from pre-wedding shit.

Reliving pledge days at the rehearsal dinner...

Some nerdy beb/jenni wedding equations...

...which were eventually simplified to be sexual in nature.

Recaps after the jump...

Week 9 recaps

Well, the big day is here.  Beb Bernier is getting married...finally.  He waited quite a while to pop the question (which I'm sure we'll hear quite a bit about in Jenni's family's toasts).  It's understandable: Jenni is incredibly hot, incredibly smart (phd in bio engineering or some shit), and has an incredible personality (she used to MC rollerderby...awesome).  We kept telling him to lock that down before she wised up.  Eventually, he did, so these writeups are dedicated to Saturday night, when both of them have sex for the first time (in the ass).
Recaps after the jump...

Week 8 recaps

This past weekend was the inaugural Shoaf Halloween party.  Good times.  Beb came as Unfozen Caveman Lawyer, which I thought was amazing (even though he went around the party telling people how dumb his costume was and he should have tried harder).  This doesn't really have anything to do with the writeups...just wanted to honor beb on the 10 day countdown to his wedding.  Other Halloween pics can be found here:
Halloween 2010


More importantly, HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!  Blick has won a game.  This actually surprised me more than the Vikings waiving Mr. Randy less than a month after giving up a 3rd round pick for him.  I'm sure you've all heard the story by now, but god, Randy Moss is a fucking horrible human.  For those of you that missed the intricacies of the story, you can find them here.   Also, in nba news, Kevin Garnett apparently called Charlie Villanueva a "cancer patient" during a game the other day (CV suffers from alopecia...and doesn't have any hair).  Some athletes are just awful and insensitive to how real humans behave.  However, I still reserve the right to name my nba team the Browless Wonders after CV...I'm honoring him.    
After the jump, you'll find the owner submissions for recaps.  All recaps are written by the week 8 winners.  I'll let them speak for themselves, but I'd love to hear your opinion on it in the recaps.  

Week 7 part tres and week 8 preview

Originally, I was going to bring back the shitty asshole costume this halloween.  However, Katie preferred I go as something she "wants to have sex with...like a Viking or a Scotsman."  Since I thought that was gay, I decided to go as famed Civil War general Ambrose Burnsides (where the name "sideburns" come from).  It should be great.  Dorky history figure + funny facial hair = dorky will with funny facial hair.

Nude Tayne 118.2       London's Lackey's  96.7
In an earlier post, I called whiteford an imitator.  Apparently, this made him angry, and he fucked Bardey up this week.   Whiteford led a balanced attack; 16.4 from bjax, 18 from Colston, 15 from Witten, and 17 from the Chiefs D.  Going into Monday, however, the winner was in no way decided (they were tied I believe). But, Whiteford got 10 from manningham and 15 from Witten...and poor dois could only manage 4 from the romoless Miles Austin.

Return of Terry Tate 82.6    Boys on Boats 71.7
Oh Blick.  Still defeated.  Seahawks D had 19...and that's about the only good thing.  Driver had 0; 4 from deangelo.  The boys on boats sucked hard...again.  Xadam's team didn't fair much better, but they scored enough to win (and scoring at least 80 justified the name change...you're not completely terrible).  Hines had 20; Santana had 12, and Cassel had 16.

Week 7 Awards:
The Fat Wolverine high scorer of the week award goes to:   Nude Tayne with 118.2
The Boys on Boats low scorer of the week award goes to:  Boys on Boats with 71.7 (seems fitting)

Good luck in your week 8 matchups:
Me (6-1) vs Trey (2-5)
Larson (4-3) vs Whiteford (5-2)
Steuber (3-4) vs Sovic (4-3)
Joe (2-5) vs Beb (3-4)
Dekker (3-4) vs Blick (0-7)

And the game of the week:
Bardey (5-2) vs Xadam (5-2)

Give em hell, bitches.

Week 7 part dos

Big trade went through today.   I traded Donovan mcnabb and Ldt to Whiteford for Andre Johnson (there were also some throw ins).  How did I deal with my first loss of the season (by only 0.4 pts)?  I overreacted and traded for the number one receiver in football (well, from last year).  I'm fucking jerry jones and Dan snyder rolled into one, bitches.  I plan on blowing my fantasy skeet all over this league before losing in the first round of the playoffs to fucking xadam or something.  I love fantasy...and fantasy nba started tonight.  So fucking psyched.

Two more matchups went down to the wire on Monday night (Giants and cowboys):


Steuberleague 95        the warfishes the warfishes 90
Trey had a monster day from Carson Palmer (30 pts), and he would have had his 3rd win if Roy Williams had done fucking anything on monday night (but, romo died...so I guess it's understandable).  Steuber had solid days from Drew Brees (15), Vernon Davis (13), and Steve Smith (17), but his real stud was knowshon.  Despite Oakland ramming a huge football up Denver's ass, knowshon was still able to get his (21 pts).

Manning and me 115.9      Team Pussy 113.7
This was another close one.  I know it's cliche to say things "come down to the wire," but this one really did come down to the wire.  Beb entered the Monday night game down Dekker, and Beb needed Eli to outscore Ahmad Bradshaw by about 10 pts.  After starting slow (two quick int's), Eli started to get hot and actually ended up with a great point total (23.1).  However, he threw a fuckload in interceptions (I think 4 overall).  He also threw one with out about 2 min left, which put dekker within striking distance.  But, as long as the Cowboys ran out the clock trying to score (they were down by 13 at the time), then Bradshaw (for Dekker) couldn't get the ball back.  Naturally, the cowboys scored on the next play (a nice pass from Kitna to Dez).  That put Giants under center one more time...just for handoffs to RB's.  Bradshaw got a few touches, but it wasn't enough as TEam Pussy went down.

Week 7 recaps part uno

DIE!!!!

Well, fuck.  I'm not undefeated anymore.  In lieu of a recap, I'll just talk about the Larson matchup here.  I need to go back a few days to explain thoroughly.  On Friday, Larson called me from Vegas (where apparently they don't have computers), and told me he needed me to help with his lineup.  From his drunken message, in which he didn't know what day it was, I gleaned that he still didn't understand how the add/drops work in Uber.  he had attempted (unsuccessfully) to add the Panthers Defense...but since he hadn't dropped someone, it didn't work.  So, I added the panthers D for him, and then adjusted his lineup.  Flash forward to Monday.  I've scored 105 points, and am leading by 30, but Larson still has Romo and Hakeem Nicks to play.  I don't feel that good about my prospects, especially since I left 45 pts from darren mcfadden on my bench.  Bad coaching = bad juju.  However, Romo decides to crack his clavicle after only scoring 5 pts.  Good start for Wolverine.  Then, Hakeem Nicks decides to fucking shred the Dallas D for at least 23.8 pts (and counting...I'm writing this during the game).   Fat Wolverine goes down...to Larson.  Karma is a bitch.  No more undefeated teams.

Dr Teeth n the electric mayhem  109.8     defeats     Hoosgow 100.8
I certainly don't say this often, but I feel bad for Joe this week.  He received 34 pts from Roddy white, and 22 from Matt Ryan...and lost.  Granted, the rest of his team other than Jamal Charles were garbage, but he still cracked 100.  Hoosgow was another lineup I altered this week.  Joe's on paternity leave at his house.  Like Vegas, apparently apartments in Brooklyn don't have computers or the internet either.  No matter, he lost anyway.  Sovic had a solid week; 5 of his players (flacco, ochocinco, boldin, mjd, and rivers) were in the high teens.  On a non-related note, viche, I can't wait to come visit NY over Dec 10th.  It sucks that Souts and Shelly will be out of town, but at least I'll get some viche time (and of course also dois and sexy joe time).  Since Souts's apartment will be empty, I hope we can stay in his place together and cuddle (if you don't have a place yet).  I call sleeping in Shelly's wet spot.

The rest of the matchups are technically still decided, so I'll wait and write those later in the week.  And yes, I'll actually try and finish them this time.

-Will

Week 6 recaps part A

Well, we're 3/7ths of the way through the regular season.  We have some front runners (me, bardey), some imitators (xadam, whiteford), some solid average teams (dekker, sovic, Larson), some crappers (Steuber, Joe, Beb, and Trey), and a shitstorm (Blick).

On to the week 6 recaps:
Wolverine's fat brother 103     Steuberleauge 79
I won again.  Interesting note.  I have the biggest point differential in the league.  For whatever reason, when other teams play against the Wolverine, they bring their D game and NEVER score that many points (disregarding Dekker's performance in week 2).  When a team has the 2nd fewest points scored against them, I would normally call them "lucky."  However, I've scored over 100pts in every week except week 1...

London's lackeys 106      Hung like Blagoyavich's jury 80
Bardey is very glad Big Ben (dubbed white mamba by simmons...I like it) is back.  His 20.7 pts (along with ryan Torrains's 23.9 and arian's 21) helped the lackeys mercy fuck the shit out of larson.  Romo is finally back (21pts) and Gore (15.9) had a solid day, but those were the only clean spots on Hung's cream-stained sheets of a team.

Xadam 102      Manning and me 86
Hey, beb!  Garcon is finally back (17 pts)!  Unfortunately, the rest of beb's rb/wr's sucked hard (ranging between 4 and 7 pts), and succumbed to xadam's superior squad.  On a side note, i'm not using xadam's team name (terrible...just terrible) because he won.  It just doesn't feel right.  Xadam's team won using a balanced attack:  the highest scorer only had 15 pts (Rashard), but 7 or his 9 starters had double figures.  xadam is in the middle of the pack in total points (mostly because of that horrendous battle of futility with Trey), but he does have the fewest points scored against.  He's 4-2...and lucky.

Week 5

No week 5 writeups.  Boo.
Viche, since you seem invigorated, if you want to take this week, go right ahead.

Week 4 recaps part 2

Phillies just won game two of the NLDS after the Reds made 4 errors and hit 3 batters.  I'm fucking psyched, and I'm going to finish getting drunk.  However, I need to finish the week 4 recaps.

Manning and me 96.5   Hung Like Blagoyavich's Jury 86.7
Beb pulled to 2-2 after beating Larson's Romoless squad.  I think it's safe to say that we discussed the "not setting lineup thing" in depth, so I'll leave it alone for now.  However, If Larson starts a QB and a RB, he probably would have won.  Beb was led by Palmer (19.8) and the immortal Reggie Wayne (18.6).  Calvin Johnson went off for 20 on Larson's team.  Both teams are now 2-2.

Steuberleauge 86.3   Team Dekker 79.2
What an exciting game.  Dekker was losing by about 6 going into monday night, and just needed Moss and Ronnie Brown to not suck.  Well, they sucked.  Dekker got solid games from Ahmad Bradshaw (19) and the Titans D (17), but his receiving core of Moss, Floyd and Wallace combined for only 7 points.  Steuber's skill players didn't do much at all (only combining for about 57 points).  However, the Chargers D absolutely raped Arizona, scoring 29 pts in the process.  Damn.  I did some research, and it's the 3rd highest scoring total for a Defense so far this year (I thought for sure it would be number one, but the pats scored 35 this week, and the Steelers scored 30 in week 2 or something).  Both teams are now 1-3.

Warfishes 53.7        Terrible...just terrible 52.3
This matchup was just fucking miserable.  Some thoughts:
--I can't believe Trey gets a win for this.  He's now 1-3.
--BOTH teams started qb's that finished with negative pts.  Cutler (-2.4) for xadam.  Derek Anderson (-1.6) for Trey.
--If xadam's wife had had a baby this week and he had not played a qb by accident...he would have won.
--They both would have lost to any other team this week (including Joe who had 3 blanks in his team).
--They both would have lost to any other team this year from any week...these are by far the two lowest outputs from any team so far.

To watch in week 5:
Battle of the Undefeated:  Dois and I (both 4-0) play each other.  I get to play dois when he has Brady on bye.  Good for me.
Also, Blickley will try to not be defeated anymore as he goes for his first win against Larson.
Hey!  Everyone's lineup is already set!  Sometimes, being a dick works.  I love you all.

Good luck, bitches.

Week 4 recaps (part 1) and Shitty Owner Discussion

It's Monday, and the 3-legged dog, Abbott, has been in our house for two days.  So far, it's scared of everything and every time I move, it stands up and tries to get away.  It likes to go outside, but then forgets where it came from and is scared to go back inside the door.  However, it really likes hot dogs (caviar to dogs, I'm told).  But, if something moves while it's eating a piece of hot dog, it gets scared and spits it out.  It's was probably highly abused in the past (or just mentally retarded).  If this keeps up, I'll have to change his name to xadam.
In honor of our pathetic, retarded dog, I'd like to recap the most pathetically one-sided matchups of the week and discuss some of our pathetic, retarded owners in the uberleauge (box scores and commentary after the jump)...

Final Power Predictions/rankings/thingies...part 3.

Katie's bringing home our 3 legged dog tomorrow.  Even though it's only a "trial", we have decided to name him Abbott. My idea;  I thought it was fitting considering the missing appendage.  We have 5 teams left.  Here it goes.
Teams 3-5 are in the "almost as good as Bardey and Will tier."

5.  Hung like Blagoyavich's Jury 2-1 -- 301.9 pts (Larson, 11th in post draft rankings)
At first, I thought Larson belonged in the lower tier.  I didn't think his team was that good.  However, I noticed that he had HUGE days from bench players (which would have put his total pts a lot higher) two weeks in a row.  Gore has been solid,  Romo is finally scoring some points and Hillis looks to be a great pickup (despite the fact that I mocked it heavily at the time).  So, I decided that he did deserve to be in the "almost winner" tier.  However, Javid Best has Turf Toe, Calvin Johnson hasn't been good with stafford out, and Pierre Thomas is missing practices.  so...he gets to be at the bottom of these rankings.

4.  Dr. Teeth n the electric mayhem  2-1  --  310.8 pts (Sovic, 3 in post draft rankings)
Things I love about Viche's team:  Rivers, Boldin, Pitt D, and Cooley have been amazing.  Flacco hasn't performed up to expectations (but last week might have broken him out of the slump), and everyone's talking about MJD's mysterious injury that much be affecting him.  However, I think Lance Moore and Tolbert were nice waiver pickups.  In addition, Jacoby Jones and Jstew are capable backups on his bench (maybe not jstew, but carolina is sure to relearn how to rush the ball again at some point).  Sovic's only loss was against Dois in week 2, and he absolutely exploded last week with 128.5 pts.  Also, Sovic, I love your comments about power rankings.  Maybe these aren't power rankings.  I don't know.  But I love you.

3.  Team Dekker  1-2  327.8 pts (8 in th post draft rankings)
Yeah, I know Dekker is 1-2.  But man, has his team been explosive recently.  In week one, he only put up a measley 70ish pts and lost.  In week two, he scored 115, but lost to the explosive Fat Wolverine.  In week 3, he put up 140 and would not be denied a victory (and he trashed hoosgow, which always makes me happy). He got rid of his deangelo83 albatross and added some good complimentary pieces (god I love jermichael Finley).  However, he's mostly been riding Aaron rodgers (20.7 avg) and Vick (25.9 avg).  They've both been sensational.  I was going to write something witty about Vick and Espn here, but Viche already beat me to it.  You can check it out here.  It's in the 3rd writeup from the top.

2.  Wolverine's Fat Brother 3-0 -- 338.3 pts (1 in the post draft rankings)
1.  London's Lackeys 3-0 --  359 pts (7 in the post draft rankings.

Yeah, Dois and I are number 1 and 2.  We're the only 3-0 teams.  Instead of writing specifically about how awesome we are (although I've alluded to it previously), I encourage all of you to describe our teams in the comments.  I expect something grand...(and I'm sure beb will make a gay joke).

Good Luck in week 4.

Power Rankings part 2: The "at least I'm not as bad as Blick" tier

I'm a firm believer that the easiest way to increase success is by lowering expectations.  The next tier of teams can feel good about themselves not because their teams are actually playing well; rather, they can take solace in the fact that they're not as bad as Blick (or beb...you're right sovic, he should have been dropped down).  Well, all of the teams in this tier are 2-1...so...maybe the teams are actually decent.  I don't know.  I'm writing this as my students are completing an in-class essay.  I constantly have to look up to make sure they're not cheating.  I hate it when work gets in the way of fantasy.  I do know that Joe is still a bad owner.  That's a constant.

The Not as bad as Blick Tier:  Joe, whiteford, xadam

8. Hoosgow 2-1 -- 272.2 pts (Joe; 12 in the post draft rankings)

So, I was kind of off on Joe originally, but mostly just because I like to rank Joe low because he always makes a mistake in the draft.  Or calls me 2 minutes before the draft starts with questions like, "how does drafting work?"  Despite his current rank at 8, I have evidence to show his team is indeed awful.  

• Brett Favre is his qb
• Ryan matthews is hurt and might have lost his job to a fullback.
• On his bench, he has Antonio Bryant, who apparently plays on the nfl team "FA"
• He also has Early Doucet on his bench (who is OUT for quite a while) instead of in his IR spot (or released).

Yay, Joe!  Also, I play Joe this week while AP is on bye.  Son of a bitch.

7.  Nude Tayne 2-1 --  271.1 total points (whiteford; 5 in the post draft rankings)
Poor, poor, whiteford.  He won the league last year, and came into this season with a huge cock on his shoulder.    After the draft, I ranked him 5th because I thought he paid "too much for Grant; he sucks."  Oh, how true it was.  Well, I'll forgive the huge price you paid for him since he suffered a season ending injury.  But...his starting QB got injured as well, and then benched for Ron Mexico.  Oh, Andre Johnson was hurt last game as well.  Wait, he also blew his free agent load on Brandon Jackson ($92) who gained 12 yards on 7 carries last week and lost his job to some white fullback named John Kuhn.  Yikes.  Whiteford is 2-1, and despite winning a nailbiter with Trey last week, I predict a freefall to Blick/Beb territory.  However, whiteford is an active owner, so maybe he can add some good players from the waiver wire (oh wait...he has no free agent money).

6.  Terrible Terry Tate 2-1 -- 291.1 pts (xadam; 4 in the post draft rankings)
The new guy has done fairly well so far.  He beat Dekker and Steuber, but lost to Hoosgow (that always hurts).  However, there are 3 key reasons why he gets put in this middle tier.

• He and whiteford are gay for each other so they need to be ranked together.
• I hate vince Young
• I'm not sold on Ray Rice

Rice might pick it up and rush just like he did last year.  However, he just seems slower and injury prone this year.  I'm not sure the 24th rb in the league is earning his $63 dollar draft price tag.

I'll be combining the last 2 tiers in part 3 tomorrow.  

Week 3 power rankings Part 1: The Shitty ones

Things have been a bit rough in the Shoaf household lately.  My wife wants a dog...but not just any dog.  She fell in love with a rescue dog with 3 legs.  I really don't have a desire to have a dog right now, and if I did, I would prefer it to have more than 3 legs.  But, when the wife puts her foot down...there's not much I can do.  I refused to go see the dog, so she took her ENTIRE family with her instead.  Then the foster parents of the dog emailed me this video:



I think it's safe to say that I'll be getting a dog.

I never finished writeups for weeks 2 and 3, so I'm going to do some power rankings instead (they're more fun to write).  I'll be releasing them in 3 part installments:  First up, in honor of my future 3 legged dog: the shitty teams.

Bottom of the barrel: Blickly, Steuber, Trey and Beb
12.  Boys on Boats 0-3 (Blick; post draft ranking of 10).
I think I was pretty on the mark with my post-draft analysis of this team.  Chris Johnson is awesome; the rest of this team is garbage.  However, he did swing the trade for Deangelo, which has netted him 13.8 pts over the last two weeks.  Yay!  The team still sucks.  Being in Costa Rica for the draft hurts.  He's 0-3 and 11th in the league in scoring.  It was easy to slot him into 12th.  I will admit, however, that his 95 points in week 3 were an improvement.  Too bad he had to run into the juggernaut that is Fat Wolverine.

11.  Steuberleague  0-3 (post draft ranking of 9).
In the draft, Steuber went all in with Brees, but then didn't really spend much on other guys...which is pretty much what his team has been doing.  Brees is fine, and Maclin has a great week 3, but his team isn't getting it done.  However, it might have something to do with the fact that he kept knowshon in his lineup even though he wasn't playing.   Dumbass ownership.  Winless and 10th in the league in scoring.  Easy choice for #11.

10.  The Warfishes The Warfishes 0-3 (Trey; post draft ranking of 2).
Wow, I was way off on this one.  After the draft, I really liked this team: peyton, sjax, Beanie Wells, Fitz...but of the 4, only Peyton has done his thing.  Beanie's been hurt ( but had a good week 3), sjax still plays for the Rams (who are still sucky even though they beat the skins last week), and Fitz is crying for Kurt.  Trey, it's time to swing a trade.  You're winless and  9th in the league in scoring.

9.  Manning and Me 1-2 (Beb; post draft ranking of 6).
So, beb's team has been awful.  He's LAST in the league in scoring.  Shonn Greene has been garbage.  Michael Turner has been hurt.  His two qb's are eli manning and carson palmer...just unspeakably bad.  However, this is a head to head league, and beb has 1 more win (against Blick of course) than Trey, Steuber, and Blick.  So, he gets to be #9 in the power poll, but still included in the shitty tier of teams.

Week 1 in review

"I hate my injured fantasy team and I hate all of you..."

Oh, how wonderful.  Fantasy season has begun.  Week one is always exciting for the surprising blow-ups from "has beens" (Forte with 31!  Ochocinco with 23!), the relative newcomers with huge days (Hakeem Nicks with 25), and the "sure things" who crap all over the field (Andre Johnson with 3).
So, I know this fractional scoring thing is awesome, but I'm probably going to round up/down in these writeups occasionally because I can't remember decimals when I switch back and forth between the blog and the box scores...and I'm lazy.
(special thanks to dois who fed me the stats when I couldn't get on the site at work)

Wolverine's Fat Brother 78.7   Manning and Me 63
Oh, how sweet it is.  On Sunday, Beb, whiteford, and Trey came over to watch the early games.  For almost

What a trade!

We had a big trade go down this morning between Dekker and Blickley (and I assume it was chatted and talked over the past couple days).  Dekker gives up his favorite player, Deangelo 83, along with Braylon Edwards (prob crap) and Kellen Winslow (maybe good if he can stay on the field).  In return, Dekker gets Ronnie Brown (could be amazing if healthy), Mike Wallace (prob going to supplant Hines as Pitt's #1 receiver this year), and Jermichael Finley (who EVERYONE loves this year due to his matchup problems for other teams).
Blick, for your sake, I hope Deangelo goes OFF this year, because at first glance, you got hosed in this trade.  Dekker, well played, sir.  You were able to get rid of Deangelo 83 (so I can't make fun of you all year), replace him somewhat with Ronnie Brown, and also get better at WR and TE.  Despite the awesomeness of this trade, do you feel a bit of guilt for offering this trade to Blick (the only guy who prob doesn't understand the significance of Deangelo 83)?  I mean, it's his fault for missing the draft...but still.
Blick, as long as Deangelo is moderately good, pairing him with Chris Johnson is pretty amazing in itself...so you'll prob still be good.

Draft rankings that mean absolutely nothing...

Well, the draft was...eventful.  Not surprisingly, Joe fucked up almost immediately, bidding close to $50 for Dallas Clark.  We laughed at Joe.  Joe laughed at Joe.  A few players later, Dekker bid $83 for Deangelo Williams.  We laughed and joked about it; Dekker was not laughing.  After some fervent chat banter, a couple angry texts, and a clusterfuckful pausing of the draft room...we worked it out.  For those of you that didn't know exactly what happened, I made the decision to have Joe and Dekker keep the players, and charge them a bit over their pre-draft value ($10 over Clark's 19; $15 over Williams's 47).  I thought it was fair; maybe you disagree.  But what's done is done.  I thought the alternative (redrafting all the players drafted since Dallas Clark) would have caused a longer delay.

Anyway, after the jump, here are my rankings of the teams immediately after the draft based entirely on your top 4 draftees (by price)...

Auction draft...new settings..etc.

So, we're going to be dealing with some new features in uber this year.  I'll try to explain some of them below.


Roster:
Originally, we were getting rid of defense...but people overwhelmingly want to keep D and get rid of K.  So, that's what I did.  We will have 14 total roster spots you will be drafting for on Sunday.
1 QB
2 RB
2 WR
1 WR/TE
1 TE
1 OP (offensive player utility)
1 Def/ST
5 bench players (plus we are having one IR spot that you can use week to week).

Welcome back to Uberleague.

Gentlemen, welcome back to Uber (now on ESPN).  I'm going to try and use the blog more than I did last year, and hopefully just imbed the blog into the espn site so we don't have to worry about two different sites.  Anyway, here's a picture of Whiteford covered with man goo to get you in the uber mood.