Week 9 recaps

Well, the big day is here.  Beb Bernier is getting married...finally.  He waited quite a while to pop the question (which I'm sure we'll hear quite a bit about in Jenni's family's toasts).  It's understandable: Jenni is incredibly hot, incredibly smart (phd in bio engineering or some shit), and has an incredible personality (she used to MC rollerderby...awesome).  We kept telling him to lock that down before she wised up.  Eventually, he did, so these writeups are dedicated to Saturday night, when both of them have sex for the first time (in the ass).
Recaps after the jump...



Return of Terry Tate 105.7  defeated Hung like Blag 84.4
from xadam:  Deciding to bench the Baltimore D (15pts) for Detroit (6 pts) was a strange and horrible decision that nearly cost Tate the win.  Fortunately, the former governors sizable genitals lacked a tight end to get them aroused enough to erect a victory.  Owen Daniels hamstring just didnt heal up for the game.  Peyton Hillis had an amazing week against the Patriots, but it wasnt enough to carry the team and make up for a missing player.  However, it was certainly enough to make more fun of Will for criticizing the acquisition (ed.note:  fuck you, xadam).  Hakeem Nicks's performance was enough to piss me off for a few hours until my brilliant pick up of James Jones to fill my bye spot (for $0 I might add) completely nullified the threat caused by Nicks.  In the end, Mendenhall did just enough running to squeeze out a win just in time to catch Conan. 

Team Pussy 132.2 - London's Lackeys 93.1

from dekker:  Message to the Uberleague: These Pussies can play!  

Team Pussy came into the week 9 showdown as a 14 point underdog but walked away with a convincing 39 point victory.  The Lackeys' Arian Foster managed to keep things close through about 4pm with a game high 32 points but Aaron Rodgers, Michael Vick and a host of other Pussies built what proved to be an insurmountable lead by the close of business on Sunday.  London's last chance at victory rested on Ben Roethlisberger, who needed to outscore Mike Wallace by 20 and claimed pre-game that he had signifcant experience at handling Pussy on a Monday night.  Unfortunately for Big Ben, he couldn't produce when it counted, and he was overheard saying after the game that he has had all the Pussy he can handle in 2010.

All in all the Lackeys lack of production is not that surprising in a week where a London coached defense decided to let Duke score 55 points on it in another inexplicable defeat.  Seriously, can this season be done already?  Or this decade of underachieving, uninspiring wahoo football (yes we can make an exception for 2007 but we all knew they sucked then too)?  I have never seen a team perform with such apathy and mediocrity year in and year out, and just when I have had it they decide to blow out Miami (well, through 3 quarters) and rope me in again.  Only to lose to Duke, again.  Thanks for nothing Mike London.  (As an aside, has anyone noticed London's striking resemblence to Biff Henderson, one of David Letterman's sidekicks who I actually haven't seen on the show in years.  It's unbelievable.  Will, load the picture into the blog and let the Uberleague decide for itself.  We can't even really blame UVA for the hire ... after watching Al Groh for all those years I might hire Biff Henderson as well.)

Team Pussy will be gunning for Hung like Blago this week and if things go according to plan you'll be hearing from me in the blog again just about this time next week.

Mike London

Biff Henderson

The Warfishes (94.2) versus Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem (93.8)

from Trey:  The stars had to align for the Warfishes to pull out what may be the smallest margin of victory ever in uberleague (0.4 pts) (ed. note: I lost to larson by 0.4 as well a few weeks back).  The RB and WR core for the Electric Mayhem decided to crap in Dr. Teeth's mouth with a shitty combined total of 17.6 pts.  With the game essentially tied going into Monday night Sovic was still slated for victory having both the Steelers defense and Chad Ochocinco to play whilst I had to count on Carson Palmer to throw to anyone but 85 if I were to have a chance for a W.  Well Palmer did just that targeting Ochocinco only a couple of times resulting in 85's worst performance of the year (1.5 pts).  MVP for the week goes to the Packer's D who led all scores in this match-up with a whopping 31 pts as they absolutely dominated the pitiful Cowboys.   

Hoosgow 72.3    Boys on Boats 47.2

from Joe:  The moral of the story for this week - if you are going to score the second lowest point total of the week, make sure you are playing the Boys on Boats.*  The team is so bad that the owner has to ask permission to bench his own players.  I am not going to run through the individual performances because none are worth mentioning. 

 

Now, a wedding haiku for Beb:

 

Congratulations

But, your woman is better

at Mario Kart

 

*  This ploy also usually works against the Warfishes. 

Manning and Me 120.1   Steuberleauge 93.1

Well, beb said he didn't have time to do a writeup (probably bullshit), so I'll go ahead and do a quick one.  It's kind of a shame; beb had an incredible week.  I didn't look it up, but I'm 99.9% sure this is his highest point total of the year.  Because beb drafted so shitasticly, he's had to "manage the hell out of" his team (his words, not mine).  I guess it's worked, because he's 5-4 despite being 8th in the league in points scored.  Beb had great days from the burner, Eli, and the Saints D (all 23.something), but had solid days from the rest of his team.  Steuber, on the other hand, only had Mark Sanchez lighting any fire whatsoever (22 pts).  The rest of his team was mediocre, but he did mangage to break 90 on the week.

Fat Wolverine  121.9   Nude Tayne 84.4

After the huge trade in which whiteford gift wrapped me the best WR in the league (at least in my opinion), we had to face off.  How did Andre Johnson fare against his old team?  ...only 4.1 pts.  Fuck you, Andre.  However, the rest of my team picked up the slack, with TO, Desean, and AP earning their keep (27, 19 and 26 points respectively).  Ldt, who went to the Tayne in the trade for Andre, managed 10 pts for Whiteford, and Donovan (the other part of the trade) was on bye.  Whiteford did have a great day from $92 Brandon Jackson (18.8).  He's finally earning his money!!!  

Fat Wolverine is still the best team in the league in all ways, and good luck in week 10, bitches.