We'll do a short one (week 4)

Okay, so here's a quick review of week 4. I'm not going to get too much into scores, but I'll try to say something sarcastic and negative about each one of you. Also, I just realized something. Due to the recent engagements of beb and whiteford (congrats), 8 out of the 12 owners in our league are married or engaged. 67%! Officially, I think that makes me old. I imagine Bardey and Dekker will be getting on the train soon, so that only leaves Trey and Sovic. Despite the fact that Trey has thought he was getting married twice (that I know of), I actually see Sovic getting hitched first. In my humble opinion, Sovic needs to move out of NY in order to make that happen (I can't exactly explain why...and he's accused me wanting him to move out of the city before). I can completely see him meeting some random girl, dating for a bit, moving in together, and then taking the plunge. She might even let him have sex with her. Trey, on the other hand, is our consummate "grass is greener" friend. As soon as he dips his dong into a mound of love pudding, he's immediately dreaming of another mound of pudding that's sweeter, wetter, or messier. I'm so jealous. But alas, no weddings for Trey in the foreseeable future.

Caesar live here? 89 Death becomes her 81

Fuck you, Dekker.

I am Dr. Galazkiewic 95 Pitchman 66

Larson, you left a post on the smackboard asking why your team sucked, and thanking god for Fred Taylor . Yes, you beat YT (despite Fred's 3 total points), but Fred Taylor's not going to save your team this week (he's hurt, and it's not even his groin). Whiteford, your team started out so well. Now, it's garbage. AP had no desire to save your ass this week. Also, you're getting married on May 15th, which everyone knows is Paraguayan independence day. That's a bad omen. However, it's also Teacher's day in Mexico and South Korea, so...you know. Maybe those equal out.

Fire Al Groh 68 Hoosgow 60

Bardey's 4-0! What a powerhouse! What's that? You would have lost to anyone else in the league except Whiteford? You're a faux undefeated team. Beating Hoosgow should probably count as .5 of a loss (and yes, losing to him should count as 1.5). Joe, what the fuck are you feeding your intestinally challenged baby? That picture is horrifying. Change that shit (oooohhh, a double entendre) .

White Mamba 112 try my product 109

Oh, beb, this is a tough loss. I mean, any loss to Trey is tough, but you should have won this one. I would say that Braylon fucked you with 0 pts, but Jennings only needed a mediocre game Monday night to help you beat Trey, and he responded with a shitty 3pts. Trey, you are tied 3-1 and tied with Steuber for 2nd place (but lead him in points). However, I refuse to ever call your team a powerhouse. Am I biased? Of course. But that's just the way things are.

Smoke yourself thin 101 I am Milton Waddams 93

Viche, you had a nice week from your no-name receivers. I'm glad you took your negative prediction back. Lenny, I always struggle to figure out something to write for you. Has anyone ever tried to make fun of Lenny? It's really hard. He's...so...good. I can't really explain it. So, I'll just bring up old shit. Remember when you got arrested in college for threatening your creative writing professor? That was awesome (even though I'm pretty sure I wasn't there and have only been told the story so many times that I feel like I was there). You're such a creepy stalker weirdo criminal guy. Dick.

Bromantic Ballsquad 78 Who dat ninja 71

Sorry, guys. I don't have much to say about this matchup. Congrats on the win, Steuber. Do you remember Carol Simpson from college? Oh, she was so hot. Did you ever touch her where the underpants go? I think you might have. Not sure. I have to say, I didn't do much with her, but it's still one of the most memorable hookups I've ever had (doughnuts and OJ for the entire pledge class). I always wanted a bit more with her, but she wasn't having it. Anyway, a few years ago, i got an email (maybe friendster? can't remember) from her asking what I was doing (I was dating my future wife). She asked how I was doing and if I was dating anyone. I replied yes, and she said she was really happy for me and she wondered why we never worked out (or something like that...it wasn't that specific). It sounds like she was going through one of those "what does it all mean" moments. This doesn't really have much to do with anything, I just thought of it the other day. So...did you bang her? She was really hot.

Anyway, what I'm really curious about is how much Blick is paying attention to his team while he's laying pipe with his new wife. He did lose this past week, but he didn't have any dnp's and he didn't have any bye week players in. However, as of this writing, he still has two guys in his starting lineup who probably won't play (Cotchery and Roy Williams) and and one has a bye (the kicker). Get that shit changed out, or we'll have to start calling you mini-hoosgow (or hoosgow II...or maybe the hoosgow deuce...I'm not sure yet).

Good luck tomorrow, boys. If you have a gmail address and you're watching the games tomorrow, invite me to chat (shoafing@gmail.com). I'd love to catch up. I might not be around for the early games, but I should be watching late afternoon and maybe the night game.